


Cliffs edge

by orphan_account



Category: Brian Kinney/ Justin Taylor - Fandom, Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Angst, Brain Damage, F/F, Future Fic, M/M, Mental Health Issues
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-09
Updated: 2015-12-26
Packaged: 2018-05-05 12:13:56
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,072
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5374817
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Justin was never the same after the bashing, even Brian can't bring back the happy go lucky blonde, but that doesn't mean he'll let him go.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Normalcy

**Author's Note:**

> So this story is going to be like a puzzle. Sometimes things will seem out of place and out of order but don't worry, that's how it should be. Some things will be memories, others will represent the present, and I'll make it easy for you to know which is which. Hope you enjoy.

Brian walked into the loft around 9:15, a time that would be way to early to come home in the past, but was now actually late. He shrugged his jacket off and tossed it carelessly on the kitchen counter before walking in search of his blonde. He didn't have to look far though, as Justin was where he always was, staring blankly out of the window. 

He walked up behind him, wrapping his arms around his waist and lying his head on his shoulder. Justin didn't move, just stayed in his careless stance, so brian swayed him gently until he relaxed. He sighed, dropping a kiss on Justin's shoulder and whispering softly, "Sorry I'm late." Justin didn't reply, just turned around in Brian's arms places his head on his chest, gripping him tightly.

Brian held him tighter, pressing his body as close to Justin's as possible. He could feel the abnormal heat of a fever radiating off of him, telling him that Justin didn't take his meds today. "Have you eaten anything today?"

He withheld a sigh when justin shook his head no. He pulled back some, and placed a kiss on Justin's warm forehead before pushing him to sit on the couch and moving towards the kitchen to find a takeout menu.  
,.........................

They ate in silence on the couch, the only sound was the scratch of chopsticks on the food cartons. Brian looked up from his Kung pao chicken to see Justin mindlessly picking through the vegetables in his rice. He was so tempted to say something, ask him how his day was and what he did. But he knew his questions would go unanswered. They always did. So instead he settled for turning around and lying himself in Justin's lap. He relished in the feel of him wrapping his arms around his shoulders. 

They did this often, just laying together and comforting each other. It was one of the rare moments when Justin could feel, loved and safe. He nuzzled his face in Brian's hair, smelling their shared shampoo. He heard Brian laugh a little as he gave a huge yawn. Waking up at the crack of dawn and staying up til midnight might not've been such a good idea.

Brian sat up then, closing the lid to their food and pulling Justin up off the couch and leading him towards the bedroom. Brian immediately stripped himself of his clothes, tossing them carelessly in a random pile on the floor. He watched as Justin struggled to unbotton his jeans, his hand quivering slightly. He had hoped his meds had kicked in by now, no such luck.

He moved over to where he was standing, and gently undid the botton. He pushed Justin's jeans down to his ankles, watching as he stepped out of them. Brian kicked them behind him somewhere. He then lie down on his side of the bed before opening his arms, Justin crawling into without hesitation. 

He pulled the comforter over them, snuggling down into the mattress and letting out a contented sigh. "I love you sunshine." He didn't expect a reply, just took Justin squeezing him a little tighter as an answer.


	2. Insight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We get a look at something that brian and justin go through daily.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So note this chapter is short but important.

Brian was awakened by a slap in the face. He sat up quickly, looking around in a sleepy haze before getting nocked in his head again. He looked over at Justin, who was tossing and turning and mumbling in his sleep.

"Shit.". Brian put a hand on his clammy forehead feeling the fever from before rising. He dashed out of bed with the intention of grabbing a cool wash cloth and the ice pack from the freezer. He returned quickly, immediately setting the clothe on Justin's forehead and putting the icepack on his chest. Justin tried to pish him away, making it difficult for him go try and calm him down.

"Justin, JUSTIN! Wake up you're having a nightmare. Justin!" Justin sat up abruptly, effectively slapping Brian in the nose once more. He had tears streaming out of his eyes and his face was red and puffy. Brian took him into his arms, Justin not complaining one bit clinging to Brian like his life depended in it.

"Breathe, baby, you gotta breathe." He spoke to Justin like he did when he had his panic attacks. He rubbed his hands up and down his back slowly trying to keep him from hyperventilating. It took a while, but eventually he had calmed him to where he was only whimpering slightly. Brian picked up the washcloth that had fallen off of Justin's head when he sat up and placed it on the back of his neck. He didn't try to move the leaking ice pack that laid in between them. He just rocked gently, trying to keep him calm.

Justin was reluctant to even loosen his grip when Brian pulled back, but complied none of the less. Brian pushed back some of the sweaty blonde hair plastered on Justin's forehead and placed a kiss there, lingering for a moment before resting his head on top of his.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to hit you." Brian couldn't help but huff a laugh at the slightly whiny voice. "Its okay sunshine. Just a graze." He felt Justin nod into his chest.

He was used to this part. The aftershocks of his panic attacks or nightmares. They always left him sleepy and weak, like his arms where made of lead and his head was always fuzzy. He hated it. The only good part was Brian's arms wrapped tight around him, keeping him warm. He only noticed he was shivering when he noticed how silent it was. He started drifting off. But not before hearing the quiet 'I love you' from Brian.

                           ......................

Brian watched his blonde sleeping from the doorway in the bedroom. He felt tears well up in his eyes, and then shook his head to get them to clear.

Sometimes he wondered what it would be like if his boy had never took a bat to the head. If he was being completely honest, he'd probably still be a grade a asshole. He'd probably still be fucking everything with a willing asshole and no STDs. He'd still be a loveless prick with nothing better to do than get high and get drunk.

But then this idiotically naive kid walked into his life and wouldn't leave him alone and now, he had no fucking clue what to do. To say that he didn't know he was royally fucked the moment he found Justin at the lightpost would be an understatement. He had to admit that he had feelings for the kid, that only intensified when he watched him get hurt.

That was four years ago. Now he had taken on the job of being justin caretaker and lover and he didn't regret it at all. He loved him and wouldn't trade him for anything. And Justin's condition was just as much a part of that as anything else.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kudos. Comments.


	3. Doctors visits

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just another look at how justin and Brian's life usually plays out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is so late. Holidays and what not. Did you have a good Christmas? This chapter is more of a filler. Not a lot of action. Next chapter some things go a little.... Wrong

"He's been having nightmares. And he gets fevers at the weirdest times."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean like he'll take his pills and be fine, and then hours later he'll start feeling like shit. Aren't the side effects supppsed to come right away? The fuck is that about?"

They where at Justin's monthly check up. Dr.Stevens had been Justin's neurologist since the bashing, and brian had kept him as Justin's permanent specialist. He didn't trust anyone else. Dr. Stevens hummed in thought, taking his stethoscope and placing it on Justin's chest, instructing him to take deep breaths.

Justin complied, hating the smell of the saline and sterilizer in the air. Brian really wants to laugh at his pout, he knew Justin hated check ups, especially on Sundays. They both preferred to sleep in and fool around , ordering takeout and being lazily happy on Sundays.

And sure they almost had done just that, Justin snaking his arms around his back and snuggling deep into his neck, leaving teasing bite marks there. Brian was tempted to jump him right there and then for a round of lazy morning sex, but the blaring alarm at his bedside was a loud ass reminder that today would not be one of those days.

Justin had yet to forgive him for dragging him out of bed, he usually wasn't this difficult. He usually went along with everything, going with the flow. Now he was sitting up on the doctors table, pouting like a five year old. Brian could tell he was tempted to fold his arms across his chest and crease his brow. Luckily he stayed civil.

"I'm going to order a PET scan and do a check on his medication. We might need to lower the dosage."

Brian nodded as Dr.Stevens exited, not missing how Justin rolled his eyes. Holding back a chuckle, Brian turned to him, wrapping his arms around his kneck and leaning in to kiss his nose.

"Why're you so grumpy today, huh?" "I don't want another fucking PET scan." This time Justin did cross his arms and deepen the pout on his lips. Brian would have laughed if he knew he had been feeling pretty miserable.

So instead he leaned in and kissed his favorite pair of lips for a while, hoping and succeeded in taking Justin's mind off of everything.

                       Qafaqafaqafaqaf

Justin's grumpiness hadn't dimmed by the time they got home a few hours later. He had moodily made his way to the shower where he slammed the door with extra force.

Brian just quirked an eyebrow in response, not exactly used to this side of Justin. To be honest he enjoyed it. At least his boy wasn't walking around with that lifeless careless look in his eye anymore.

                       Qafafqafafqafafqaf

                         August 19, 2001.

 

He wanted him to move. To get up from the window sill and fucking look at him. He could tell he was shaking, trembling from all the emotion. He wanted to hold him, to protect him and tell him everything would be alright. But at the same time, he was afriad to touch himr, like he would break with even the slightest glance. So he let him be and kept his eye on him, never letting him out of his sight.

He didn't go to work for months, opting instead to keep an eye on his.... His what?

What where they? Boyfriends? Did Justin even want to be his boyfriend anymore? He had no fucking clue. He had never been this confused in his life. He didn't know what step to take next. He didn't know how to help him. He just wished he would take to him, let him in. Shit, this stupid blonde think was changing him. For the better, he didn't know.

                      Qafafqafafqafaf

Brian shook his head at the memory. They where past that. It was years ago. He and Justin had gotten better. Justin still didn't show much emotion, but at least he wasn't as catonic as often as he used to be. He shrugged his jacket off and made his way to the bathroom where he could hear the shower going.

He grabbed two fluffy towels and made his way inside, stripping his clothes along the way.

                        Qafafqafafqafaf

Justin was a lot less grumpy when they emerged from the shower. Of course it took a blowjob and some excellent tongue work to loosen him up. Justin was currently at the stove making stir fry. Brian just sat at the island watching like he often did, his face a mask of amazement and sadness and a mix of other emotions he had no way to describe. Justin turned around a caught his eye. He raised his eyebrow as if to say 'what'?

Brian walked over to him, wrapping one arm around him and tilting his chin with the other one. He placed a long soft kiss on his lips, reveling in the way Justin's felt against his own. He pulled back, looking into the baby blue orbs he had become so familiar with. "I love you so much sunshine."

He always held his breathe whenever he said that, never knowing if or when Justin would change his mind and not say it back. But alas his fears went down the drain when his boy leaned up and kissed him softly.

"I love you too." Justin gave him a small smile and turned back to the Stove when Brian released him.

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments are welcome. Any ideas on how to progress with anything is also welcome. Thanks


End file.
